It’s the best that could be done at short notice.

But c’mon now—who knows FACTS better than FACTS? FACTS.

Stick with it. You’re getting need to know information. It’ll be useful. Possibly.

Is that a question? That could also be a statement.

But, look, you’re right. This isn’t how the game works.

But we’re already two questions in and the reader has nothing of value. It’s not a good look, is it?

From here on in, it's useful questions only.

Word slinger.

Decent reviews.

Top clients.

No industry awards

Likes you because you’re reading this.

Depends who you ask.

Some say it’s:

Fucking Awesome Copy That Slaps

Others say it’s:

Flabbergastingly Amazing Copy That Sizzles

Or:

Flipping Astonishing Copy That Sells

Some really wholesome people say it’s:

Fluffy Adorable Copy That Smells (of freshly baked bread in a dog-friendly café next a field of lavender)

Choose your favourite. Or think of something else.

Send your answers on a postcard.

Come up with ideas, or

Take your ideas.

Turn them into words that people:

Read

Enjoy

Act on.

The best kind for the job.

Big, small. Simple, fancy.

Whatever your audience is into.

Words. Copywriting.

No particular area. FACTS keeps it broad so FACTS doesn’t get bored.

Fresh eyes and new ideas every time.

No preconceptions.

No serving up tired old tropes.

No phoning it in.

Massive organisations.

Small family-run businesses.

Every size and shape of company or agency in between.

You.

A man once said: “The guy’s a word wizard.”

A woman once said: “Totally smashed it.”

A dog once said: “Woof.”

Copywriting has kept the lights on since 2011.
The fraud police haven’t come knocking yet.

If you see ‘em, keep shtum.

That was a quick change of tack.

It’s pizza.

Specifically, London Pizza—pizza with chips on top.

Carbs on carbs, with garlic sauce. Immense.

Dog.

Classic.

That counts as a question. Next…

Bury the money talk in the middle, is it? Coward.

You’re not going to like the answer…

It depends.

Every project is different. Every quote is based on what you need.

• Day rate for copywriting is £400.

• Consultancy is £50 per hour.

Quotes are based on that rate

There are 500 unused business cards in the drawer next to me. We’ll throw the lot at ‘em.

That should give us time to get away.

Worst case scenario: a few zombie LinkedIn connections.

Hmm.

There’s a good one about paper. Wanna hear it?

Actually, never mind. It’s tearable.

Because you don’t fit in and don’t want to fit in.

Because you only ever deal with the person doing the work. The receptionist is the writer and tea maker.

Because you get what you need. You don’t get what you don’t.

Because there are no pointless bells or whistles.

Because you get none of that industry waffle or sales speak.

Because you’ll be plied with the sweets or biscuits of your choosing.

That’s two question marks. I’ll ignore the second bit.

A process? They call FACTS the process professor. The processor.*

Take a look.

*They don’t.

Toast and sandwiches taste 24% better when the bread is cut diagonally.

Let’s not waste questions questioning science.

There’s an entire service just for you, friend.

#3 on this page.

And #3 on this page.

The best ones will.

Told you.